i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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