Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
