Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
