im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
