Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
