"it" just moved
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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