Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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