I need help removing her.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
