in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
