cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
