I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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