I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
