Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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