so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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