they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
