So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
