u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am mentally ready for anal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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