I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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