Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize