I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize