i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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