I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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