Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
