you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
