Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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