I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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