Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
