butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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