"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
50% drunk capacity currently
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
