Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
