If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
