At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
