Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
