what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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