My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
