Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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