So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
