I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
