She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
