Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
