I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
