If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
