I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
