So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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