Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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