i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
