Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
