nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
