I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
