how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
