happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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