Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
