I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I forget how to act sober
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
