So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
