Me too!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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