Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
