omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my liver is dry heaving
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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