I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
