remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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