for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
