I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
