i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
