you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
