i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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