No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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