So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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