Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Randomize
