Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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