"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
