so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
