FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize