I skipped work to stalk him.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
