there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
