I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
