I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
