Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
