I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
