party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
