If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
