you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
