They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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