No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
