I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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